Today is Saturday October 5, 2014. I just got done watching my friend Erin's son Liam play flag football. Well, the game was at 9, and we finally made it there at 9:45. So Cooper and I only caught a small portion of the game, but I'm hopeful that small snippets of time here and there will continually develop Cooper's passion for sports and excelling at something he loves.
So I came home, and I'm making cinnamon rolls for Isabella and her friend Audra. My house is a complete disaster, I still have laundry from two Wednesdays ago in a hamper in my bedroom waiting to be put away. Piles of dirty clothes look like land mines in my bedroom...but at least they are separated! My kitchen countertops feel slimy because I haven't wiped them down, there are dishes in the sink ready to be put into the dishwasher, but there are clean dishes in the dishwasher that need to be put away. I could go on and on. I do feel a small sense of accomplishment as I did get a couple of our business accounts balanced yesterday, but there is still a ton to do in my office. Has anyone been in this spot lately?
So amidst all this chaos, I felt God calling me to sit, be still, and write. Maybe it's a letter to him, maybe it's a letter to you, maybe it's just a letter to myself.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a piece called "Anxiety about the Future". As I don't know how to add links to my blog to direct you to that piece (another thing on my To Do list... figure out how to use Word Press and do all the fun things I have in store for this blog), if you want to read it, it was written in September. And ignore the formatting of some of the old posts...when I transferred them over from the other blog, some of the paragraphs got lost so they look kind of choppy. I'll be trying to fix that as soon as I have a little extra time.
Anyway, just a couple of weeks ago, my life seemed perfect. I felt that all my relationships were intact (which is a HUGE thing for me...I've struggled all my life at trying to find, and defining true friendship), everyone in my world was healthy, my kids were doing great, Ty and I were happy, and our finances were prospering. I could feel God's hand in everything I was doing, and every day ended with many blessings counted at night. But I knew in my heart that something was brewing in the distance.
But to tell you the truth, yes, some messy things happened to me in the last two weeks. But I believe the messes allowed me to see the messes all around me that have been around all summer long.
Messes like strife between friends, discontent, seeking of purpose in life, adjustments to new jobs, my pastor's wife's mother being admitted into the hospital unexpectedly, a friend's husband's cancer diagnosis, another friend possibly facing cancer, many friends' unexpected tears, furloughs for some of our friends who work for the government, marital struggles, unexpected divorce, my new awareness of human trafficking... they've been there all along. I've just been blissfully unaware.
Until now. I'm doing a bible study called Stuck, by Jennie Allen. And again, I wish I could direct you to Jennie Allen's website, or allow you to click on a link so you could purchase this study. Doing this study is making me aware of all of my "stuck" places. Also making me aware that although everyone may look pretty on the outside, like a gift wrapped in pretty wrapping paper with a large pink bow, I may not know exactly what's on the inside until we go deeper. Everyone around me looks so "pretty". But everyone (like myself) has a "stuck" place...whether they are aware of it or not is the question.
And that's where Grace comes in again for me. Because until we, ourselves, become aware of our "stuck" places, it's so hard to see there is a problem, and so hard to get help. But I believe that being shown Grace, allows us to feel Love, which allows us to open up and not feel condemned, to get us to a place where we can hear Truth, so we can finally get the help we need to get Unstuck.
My heart aches for humanity right now. My head's been spinning all week long with what's going on in the lives of the people I care about. And the best I know to do is Pray. And although I know that this is the best, parts of me still ache to find a way to take away the pain.
Thankfully, we went to a movie Thursday night, Kirk Cameron's Unstoppable. It put a little perspective on the question: "Why do bad things happen to Good People?". I can't take away the pain for my loved ones. And for someone who doesn't know God, it's hard to explain this question away. And I think this is why I so desperately at times want to do more to help people know God. Because knowing Him has made ALL the difference in Tyler's and my life.
Sometimes God allows us to go through the pain so we can come out stronger on the other side. I can't explain everything I got out of this movie, other than deepening my small understanding of God's deep love for us, and God's Sovereignty. If you can, please take some time to watch this movie. If nothing else, I think the filming of it was amazing.
No scripture reference today.
Just know that no matter where you are in journey, God's got you. God knows you even though you don't know him. He loves you.
GOD is bigger than any problem you are facing today.
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