Riding In Cars With Boys

          Is it appropriate to be married and ride alone in a car with someone of the opposite sex? This has come up a handful of time the past few months with my husband and me. I don’t have a clear cut answer on this topic; I definitely think every situation is different. Awkward as it may be I believe it’s an important discussion a husband and wife should have together. No matter how much you trust each other or the person of the opposite sex, it comes down to how it may be perceived by others and most of all your spouse.      

          The situation has come up numerous times for us recently. One day after work my husband was asked by a female coworker if she could get a ride because her car was being fixed. She lives in our neighborhood and he felt obligated to give her a ride. But after he gave her the ride he felt nothing but guilt because he couldn’t get ahold of me to ask permission; he tried several times. I’ve never met this other person but I really gave it no thought. I actually believed he was being a Good Samaritan. However, he expressed to me that at the time he didn’t think it was that big of a deal either, but then he put himself in my shoes and realized he would be consumed with jealousy.  I truly could care less but I do get how he felt. If I were to do that it may make my husband feel demasculinized. Men are usually looked at as the ones helping a damsel in distress where we women tend to be weary giving men rides because it’s awkward being the woman helping the man. At least that’s what I think.

          Awkwardly enough this summer there were two situations where I was with male neighbors in the car. One time was when I gave Tara’s husband Dave a ride to the pool because they were down one car. The other time I needed a ride to a tee ball game and CC’s husband Ty had to give me a ride. Both times both our children were there. So with a mess of kids in the car I don’t think the situation looked bad. I’m also used to having conversation with guys because I enjoy talking football, fishing, etc. Was it a little awkward, maybe a little but not so much that I felt guilt like my husband did. Plus, other than my husband and brother, the two men I trust more than any other men are Dave and Ty.  Well once again he was approached with an awkward situation at work. He was to travel alone to Germany with another female. This was a serious trip for him but for her it was only for experience. He was so consumed with guilt that he struggled asking me permission. Once again I didn’t understand the guilt because I felt like since it was work-related it shouldn’t be a big deal. He again expressed how he would feel if it was me and I appreciated that about my husband. We discussed numerous options such as taking another male coworker, changing the dates, etc. In conclusion we decided he would pay for his own rental car out of his pocket and they could ride separately to the airport. As for being on the same plane and in the same hotel there is not much you can do. He would have to leave everything to his own discretion. Funny enough his trip was pushed up and he went alone.

          So again I ask is it appropriate to be married and ride alone in a car with someone of the opposite sex? Probably not, but it really comes down to communication with your spouse and the particular situation. The thing I stress is discussing it in your marriage so it doesn’t ever become an issue. I am so thankful that my husband took my feelings into consideration when confronted with an awkward situation. It makes me proud to know that I am always on his mind.