My confession: I'm Fulfilled, yet Exhausted.

I lay in bed Wednesday night with Cooper. To tell you the truth, I had a frustrating evening with him. We were at church for our Wednesday evening kid's ministry kickoff, and let's just say, he didn't do the most stellar job in the listening and obeying department. Long gone are the days where I get embarrassed about his behavior... I look around and typically realize I'm not the only mom dealing with a rambunctious kid.  But I do admit feeling worn out after a long day of parenting.  And as I write, I realize how tired I've been over the last week or so, and recognize my need for rest.

Wednesday night was also the end of summer for both my kids. Isabella started school last week, but Cooper started his first day of preschool today.  I'm looking back on this last summer wondering how I would honestly answer the question "How was your summer?"  And if I were to be honest, I would say Fulfilling, yet Exhausting.

Fulfilling, yet Exhausting.  Cooper is 4. Isabella is 9. Cooper is old enough to have some freedom, but not as much freedom as his older sister.  Needless to say, this caused a lot of trying days in our household this summer. I lost it more times than I care to admit, and had to apologize to both kids more times than I should have had to.  There was a lot we could do this summer that we couldn't do last summer because Cooper's older, yet there was a lot he couldn't do either, which made life difficult at times.  

Fulfilling, yet Exhausting.  I'm blessed and so thankful to be able to stay home with my children every day.  I do not take it for granted for a single second.  Especially in the summer, when all I want to do with them is create memories.  I want them to grow up, get married, have kids of their own, and have such fun memories and stories to tell their kids as they lay in bed at night, just like I do with them now.  And yes, I believe our goal for this summer was achieved, what we set out to do was accomplished.

So I'm Fulfilled, yet Exhausted.

I realize now that I'm thankful for all we did this summer, all the relationships we built, and all the fun we had.  Wouldn't change it.  I wanted to be a "Yes" Mom this summer.  The kind of mom that said "yes" to everything as long as it wasn't hurting anyone...

You want to build a fort with blankets for the tenth time this week and not clean it up... Go right ahead!  You want to go swimming (even though I haven't done laundry for two weeks)?  Sure!  You want ice cream for dinner?  Let's do it!  Yup, I was that mom this summer.

And next summer, I will choose to be a "Yes" Mom again.  As I did this summer, I'll let myself off the hook when it comes to household chores and errands, and choose to do whatever the kids want to do.  

But a new season has begun...with school and fall activities starting to fill our calendar again, I need to prioritize, and make sure I'm not saying "yes" to all the great opportunities that come along.  Because the best I may be able to do for my kids this fall is to say "no" to some really good things in order to create some space in our active life to pray, think, and rest.

Just like Jesus did.  Again and again, he surrounded himself with people, but he also recognized his need to be still, to spend time with his heavenly Father.  On several occasions, he'd steal off on his own to pray and meditate.  To fill his tank up.

And as active as we are, we also need to fill up.  Just like my car needs gasoline to run, my spirit must be filled in order to go out again tomorrow and be the person I need to be for my husband, my kids, my friends, my neighbors...anyone I'm in contact with.

My way to fill up may be different than yours.  The important thing is to find your way...whether it be the habit of taking a walk by yourself surrounded by only nature, or sitting still with a cup of coffee in the early morning just being thankful for whatever it is you have, or doing a bible study for the first time, or maybe even just opening your bible and journaling... whatever it is, we need to be as intentional about it as we are in taking each breath we take every single day.

So my prayer for this fall will be: Lord, help me be still, and know that you are God.  Help me recognize when I need to slow down, and when I need to slow things down for my kids.  Help me know what is most important to you, and choose YOU instead of all the other options presented to me.

Love, C.