You're not alone.

The other day I had a conversation with a friend that reminded me of something that Isabella went through when she was younger.  She'll be 10 in September, and I still can't believe how fast time has gone by.  I still remember her as the quiet and shy little 2 year old.  Smart as a whip, but super observant, and not always willing to join in on other's fun.  She's not shy and timid at all anymore, but I remember the day we were at the library, and a bigger girl hit her because the girl wanted at toy Isabella had.  I remember her tears, and feeling her hurt.  I remember holding her and wanting to make it all better for her.

And it was then that I realized that I can't always make it better for my kids.  I can't make other kids behave, I can't make other people be nice, or be fair, and I can't make other people want to play with her.  I can't always make people see her point of view.  Realizing that I couldn't always protect her, and knowing there was a specific way I wanted to raise her (even though I didn't really know what that "way" was), I dove into books on topics like parenting, relationships, and people skills.  I realized that since I couldn't change what others did around my children, I could equip my kids with skills to help them handle themselves when we weren't around to protect them.

I started reading, really reading to improve about 10 years ago. It was around the time Isabella was born.  September of 2003.  A couple of things happened that year that helped me realize that I didn't "have it" all figured out (even though at 26, I really thought there wasn't much more for me to learn).  By reading, I started realizing how much I didn't know.  It totally humbled me.  And it gave me the hunger to read more, apply more, learn more.

By reading, I learned that I wasn't alone.  That I could get help from these books at any time.  I took the grocery cart mentality with everything I read...At the grocery store, you don't put everything in your cart.  Same with reading.  I may not agree with everything I read, or understand everything I read, but at least I always knew I could go back to that shelf and place that idea in my grocery cart if I needed it in the future.

I know that reading can be kind of hard.  It's so much easier to turn the television on at the end of a long day.  And I'm not opposed to television at all.  If you know me well, you'll know that one of my vices would be Netflix... I love shows like White Collar, 24, and Heartland.  I also love watching shows like Revenge, and Scandal (yes.  I am fully aware that these are probably not the best shows to watch, but I admit that they are entertaining to me).  I just realized that while television is entertaining, it does nothing for my spirit, my mind, my family, my friendships, or our finances (yes, reading does help in getting that promotion at your job, or helping your business prosper).

If I've peaked your interest, start by reading 15 minutes a night.  Pick a topic that interests you.  Try to apply what you learn, and see the results.  Be aware of the results.  I promise you, seeing results will get you excited to read more!

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes from the books above:

• Captivating (by Stasi Eldredge):  "A woman of true beauty offers others the grace to be, and the room to become."

• The Five Love Languages (by Gary Chapman):  "People speak different love languages.  Being sincere is not enough.  We must be willing to learn other's love languages if we are to be effective communicators of love."

• The Friendship Factor (by Alan Loy Mcginnis):  "If we are open about our humble origins, as well as our great moments, if we build more windows, and fewer walls, we will have more friends."

• Wired that Way (by Florence Littauer):  "People with Choleric personalities are naturally goal oriented and live to achieve those goals.  They are highly task-oriented and well-organized, but they are also outgoing, just like Popular Sanguines.  However, in addition to having these positive traits, Cholerics also tend to have a short fuse and to be bossy."  On a side note, learning that I was bossy was something that made me want to change pretty fast!

So what did I do about the little girl that hit Isabella when she was 2?  Yes, I talked to the mother, and the child apologized.  We had a chance to practice the phrase "I forgive you".  We then went home and told daddy, and daddy taught her how to tell someone "Please do not hit me".  Then he taught her that if someone bullied her again, she could stand up for herself.  He proceeded to teach her how to throw a jab, cross, and that if she had to defend herself, or defend someone being bullied, we'd totally back her up...after she tried the more peaceful course of course!

But what do we teach our kids when their feelings get hurt on the playground and friends don't want to play with them?

What do we teach our kids when they don't score very well at their gymnastics meet?

What do we teach our kids when two of their best friends aren't getting alone, and they're caught in the middle?

I'm so glad that we started reading years ago.  Your mind is like a computer...whether you remember things or not, whatever you put in it is stored.  The last 10 years of reading are stored in my head somewhere.  And I pray for the Holy Spirit to help me access this wisdom all the time.    

"Do NOT conform to the pattern of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing, and perfect will." Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Love, C.